A body “not quite right” to be a professional dancer and a difficulty fitting into a prescribed mold, but a unique vision and burning fire to express through the art of dance…one may call it trite (cue just about every dance movie…ever), but clichés become clichés because they hold truth. Kara Tatelbaum has been one of these dancers, and she’s shared that story through her memoir Putting My Heels Down: A Memoir of Having a Dream and a Day Job.
She’s now sharing the stories and lessons from the book – from her life, really – through author events. Those have become a space to hold conversations on dance world “taboos”: body shaming, comparison, dynamics around dancer professional life, “survival jobs”, mental health, and more. “Taboo” to some, perhaps, but which many (this writer included) would argue are topics that we need to be honest about in order to move the field forward into a better tomorrow.
I had the pleasure of reading the text and then speaking with Tatelbaum about these events, her larger work and mission, and where she sees it all going from here. Her spirit is both friendly and fiery, her insights both rich and incredibly approachable…nothing contrived or egotistical to see here, folks! Let’s leap in to learn more.
Putting My Heels Down: a story of a life thus far in dance and more (...no spoilers)
Tatelbaum’s memoir – of her life in dance, teaching Pilates, and much more – is a story both wise and accessible, thoughtful and at times quite humorous. She tells her tale with utmost honesty, “warts and all”, in a way that almost feels like a friend telling you a story. It starts at a very good place to start, with her as a young girl starting out in dance.
She describes experiences, pretty much from her beginning as a dancer, that all too many dancers find relatable: comparison to other dancers, body commentary from teachers, and a demand to fit into a certain mold (versus a nurturance of her unique strengths and voice). Along her path as a young dancer, she thankfully did find where she can shine – in modern dance and choreography.
Cut to her time in higher education: even while finding some notable success along that path, those dancer challenges of comparison and body expectations persisted. Professional and “adult” realities of needing a “side hustle” (you know, those pesky things called bills) also set in, which led her to teach Pilates. In yet more experiences that many dancers find relatable, her teaching “hustle” isn’t what truly lit her fire; she still wanted to be dancing and making dances.
Later, in a place where daily ballet class became her main connection to dance, comparison with other dancers reared its ugly head again. It was around this time when she sought the help of a therapist. Her description of this time feels like a wonderful encouragement to seek mental health support when one might need it (which dancers could stand to hear just as much as anyone). You’ll have to read the text to find out what happened then, dear reader!
Holding space for hard conversations: author talks
Okay, maybe one little spoiler here: therapy seemed to help Tatelbaum re-evaluate her perspective and mindsets, as well as to find writing as a new avenue for channeling her creative energies. “The process of writing my memoir forced me to come to terms with my past in such a unique way,” Tatelbaum shares: all of the harsh criticism, the white-knuckling to succeed more and more with every “no” that came her way, the subsequent burying of the pain (mental and physical) that resulted. “Of course, I never talked about any of this with anyone. And now, I wrote a book about it. So everyone knows. I have no more secrets,” she says.
She realized that such transparency “very uniquely positions me to gain the trust of other dancers who then open up in return about their experiences” – so she began holding author talks, workshops, and the like. These events have become spaces for discussions on the issues and topics that the book surfaces: including body shame and comparison, what “success” looks like for a dance artist, carving a path that works for you as an artist and a person, finding creative fulfillment in and out of dance, and more.
These are deep matters: historically “taboo” in the dance world and not exactly easy to discuss. Perhaps that is precisely why these are important conversations to have! Tatelbaum also became a Certified Wellness + Resilience Coach in 2021 – which allows her “to facilitate these conversations with other dancers by asking pointed questions,” she shares.
The memoir is a “jumping off point” for such conversations, those about the dancers with whom she’s speaking – about their challenges, concerns, et cetera – rather than about her. “That really shifts us out of a teacher/student or older/younger paradigm. Being a coach enables me to step out of my past and support young dancers in the moment,” she explains.
Tatelbaum also has decades of experience in the dance field – encompassing degrees from conservatories at NYU Tisch and Purchase, choreographing, touring, running her dance company independentdancemaker, and a network of dance artists working in myriad areas. She believes that experience enables her to “relate to young dancers and the problems they face with graduating with a dance degree, lack of funding, balancing day jobs, injury, and stress.”
Tatelbaum has been offering these events at various venues and organizations – and notably at American Dance Festival, Paul Taylor School, and Peridance. In particular, however, she’s held these events at higher education dance departments: including at Ithaca College, NYU Tisch, Skidmore College, and the University of Georgia. Arguably, the next generation of dance artists is most well-positioned to leverage these conversations for long-standing positive change in the field and for the art form.
The goal: keep the conversation going
What’s the “why” of it all, one may wonder; what impact would Tatelbaum like to see these discussions have? First and foremost, she says, she wants “to keep the conversation going” amongst dancers. These artists are “taught to appear perfect and together at all times, so admitting we aren’t isn’t usually part of our training. And it should be,” she says.
“Facing rejection, injury, setbacks…it’s all part of being a dancer, and our resilience should be trained along with our plies and tondues.” These are skills to be exercised every single day, and not just during crisis, she believes. “Like our plie softens our landings, our practiced resilience enables us to ride the waves of life without drowning.”
Tatelbaum also wants to reinforce for dancers that “no matter what, they are dancers. No one can take that away.” Grounded in that understanding, she wants to encourage the next generations of dancers to think more broadly about what a career and life in dance can look like – more broadly than she did, she admits.
“I was convinced there was only one way to be a dancer and choreographer. Turns out that I was very wrong.” With a wide berth of possibilities open to dancers, she wants them “to follow their impulses and interests outside of the dance studio as well. We never know where things will lead,” Tatelbaum affirms.
So, she’s been holding these talks for a bit now…are we seeing them bear any of this fruit? She shares a touching anecdote from a book signing, one that just about says it all:
"A student introduced herself as being in a previous workshop at University of Georgia. She had tears in her eyes as she showed me her own book. She had highlighted ‘my form of rebellion was creation,’ and explained how she was injured and frustrated, trying to create and figure things out and how much my book and particularly this passage meant to her. The fact that she sought me out to connect on such a personal level absolutely floored me. This is what it’s all about. Connection.”
So what’s next for Tatelbaum; what path might she head down next in this work and mission? “I’m super excited about my current project, which I’m calling the ‘Dancers Deck.’ These will be conversational cards based on themes from Putting My Heels Down that teachers can utilize….to get dancers thinking and talking, as individuals and as a dance community,” she shares. She believes that these coaching questions – and resulting conversations – could be great for time apart from class and rehearsal, for studio or clubs, and even for group bonding.
Tatelbaum is also holding a joint event with fellow dance author Lucy Ashe, on the afternoon of February 8th at the NYPL Riverside. Learn more about the event here! Chances are that’s not the last of these conversations, and these connections, that she’ll nurture. This humble writer fully believes that as long as these are conversations we need to have, as long as there are hard truths with which the dance world needs to grapple, Tatelbaum will be out there holding the space and encouraging other dancers to share their own stories.
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