You know the kind of conversation amongst a group of adults: they love doing x activity (be it a sport, painting, writing poetry, hiking, et cetera – what we might call “hobbies”), but life has just gotten in the way lately. It’s been too long. There’s most often a wistfulness to how they say those things: the blissful flow state they often feel doing it shining through in a kind of nostalgia.
Indeed, it can have been too long; between work, family, and relationship (both platonic and romantic) commitments, beloved activities can fall by the wayside. With the pull to make money and fulfill the obligations that society pressures us to fulfill (to be fair, which we often ourselves want), there can just be no time or energy left.
Yet the result can be significant lost opportunity: for ourselves, for our communities, and for the world. Here’s the crucial, perhaps (to some) radically counter-cultural point: creating things – including memories, with non-artistic activities – has value in and of itself. They don’t need to make us money or get us on track with societal life timelines in order to be worthwhile. Far, far from it. Let’s take a closer look at why.
Individuating and finding our “thing”(s)
Think back to yourself in elementary and middle school for a moment (if that’s not triggering for you, of course). If your family was in a place to provide for it, chances are that you tried several different things: soccer, pottery, dance, choir, band, et cetera. Through that, you may very well have learned what you do and don’t like (and both can be important to learn!). Maybe, just maybe, through the former, you found a life-long passion. If you’re a parent of older children or pre-teens, perhaps you’ve observed that process (or are seeing your kids somewhere in it).
To my mind, that’s part of individuation: that path by which we discover who we are, as well as grow into who we are. In that way, one could argue that those activities which resonate with us – that pull us into flow state, that we yearn to get back to when we haven’t done them for a time – are part of us. If we take that to be true, to any extent, then not engaging with those parts of us is denying those parts: letting them lie fallow and untended. Think of the fruit that they could bear if we instead tended them! Think of what that fruit could bring to us, those around us, and even the wider world.
To be clear, it’s not all about those outcomes; any gardener will tell you how watching the process of growing can be just as, if not more, precious and sweet than what it bears. In my personal worldview, and life experience, process can be better than product. That’s where the memories bloom. That’s where we really learn: again, about ourselves, our communities, and the world. That’s where we individuate. I can think of few things more important.
Positive emotions, mental health, and social health: the fruits of doing to do
If you were to think that the above sounds a little “hippy-dippy, woo-woo”....I get it, I don’t blame you. Yet there is actually research demonstrating some of those fruits of doing favorite activities, even if they’re not “productive” in the conventional sense (making money, moving us along on societally-imposed timelines).
For one, positive emotion research is beginning to point to how doing pleasurable, enjoyable activities can have notable benefits for our mental and emotional health. Those benefits include increases in positive emotions (such as joy, fulfillment, a sense of accomplishment), decreases in negative emotions (stress, sadness, and even anxiety and depression), and – on an even deeper level, and pointing back to individuation – a clearer, more assured sense of self.
Much of this research looks at the impact of sets of positive activities – doing acts of kindness, gratitude practices, engaging in activities that brings a sense of meaning in conjunction with pleasurable/enjoyable activities – rather than pleasurable/enjoyable activities in and of themselves (1, 2). However, there seems to be promise that doing things one enjoys can have significant mental health benefits. One could argue, well, that’s only intuitive – but research to support intuition is always helpful, so more research in this area could be meaningful.
This research can tell us one thing fairly clearly, however – fit between activity and person is important. In other words, activities which we find pleasurable and enjoyable have the potential to bring those positive emotion benefits – not anyone else’s pleasurable/enjoyable activities. Once again, there’s the individuation of it all!
Research also tells us that loneliness amongst adults is a notable, and concerning, phenomenon. Any adult can tell you that in this time of life, in this world as it is, it’s not easy to make friends. We have data to back up that sentiment; a 2018 report from the Kaiser Family Foundation found that 22 percent of American adults (about 60 million Americans) reported “often or always feeling lonely or isolated” (3) – and that was before COVID.
How can engaging in activities that resonate with you make a difference here? They can offer opportunities to create social connections, make longer-term friends, and even become a part of a community. Shared interests can be effective icebreakers, as well as facilitate opportunities to spend time together – on an ongoing basis, more consistently. With the epidemic of loneliness being what it is, we can use all of the tools we can get. Hobbies can be a strong arrow in the quiver – yes, for adults, even if they’re not “productive” in the conventional sense.
The radical act of making for the sake of it
Indeed, this world as it is often sends the message that if it’s not making us money, if it’s not getting us closer to a happy marriage and two perfect kids and a white picket fence, it’s not worth our time, energy, or attention. Social mores are changing, in the process calling into question such messages. I’d like to join in that calling into question. For all of the benefits thus far described, making things simply to make them (and again making memories, if it’s a sport or other physical activity), is valuable.
Here’s where my counter-cultural, “lefty” readers might really perk up: doing that making is also valuable as radical defiance of the idea that we have to be “productive” in the ways that society tells us that we “should” be. Building a better world is, yes, structural – but we’re all part of those structures. Each of us individually can impact how those structures evolve for the better.
How so? In one way, attending to ourselves through consistently doing our favorite activities – whether they make us money or not – can catalyze those structures growing and changing to be what serve us all better. Additionally, I’d argue that part of that better world is one in which we all have the time, available funds, energy, and practical access needed to do the things that light us up.
That can start with each of us – in the energetic sense of that radical defiance, but also in practical ways: in the institutions and people we support by our engagement (classes need to be filled and spaces need to be used in order to continue the programming that they offer, after all). We can also inspire each other by sharing what we create: inspire people in our lives to also do the things that light them up (“if they can do it, why can’t I?”). That’s individuals catalyzing meaningful structural change.
You may or may not have noticed that there’s quite a “meta” element at play here; I’ve spent my time and energy writing this essay, and no one’s paying me for it. Perhaps it might in some way contribute to my trajectory as a professional writer, but that’s not why I’m doing it. Why am I, you might ask? Because I enjoy writing essays: crafting an argument I’m passionate about, architecting a structure, refining the language.
I also often write about ideas that I think matter, that could make a difference in people’s lives, even in our society more broadly, if more people considered them. That’s all above and beyond the influence of anything I put out there – yet I also believe that individual raindrops in a pond matter in the pond as a whole. I want to be part of productive, positive conversations. Aligning with a commitment to practice what I preach, I’ve also recommitted myself to personal creative practice, to making things no one’s paying me to make. I’m excited to see where it leads me.
It’s in the spirit of something a poet friend and I often say: make the thing and share the thing. That could be a poem (as she and I like to do), a painting, a song, or even the memories and energies created around a sports game. Here’s another crucial point: it doesn’t matter if it’s “good” or “bad” (I could rant there, but I’ll save that for another day). All of the benefits I’ve described here still apply.
It doesn’t matter if someone’s paying you for it, or if gets you closer to that Leave it to Beaver vision of family life. It still creates joy, it still puts something positive and fresh out into the world. Make the thing, share the thing. Notice what happens. Embrace the process and the unfiltered joy of creation. I’m rooting for you!
Me making memories and propelling personal growth through my yoga practice
...a very "me" activity that no one pays me for!
(Image courtesy of me, all others courtesy of Canva)
Lyubomirsky, Sonja and Kristin Layous. “How Do Simple Positive Activities Enhance Well-Being?”. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 22(I). 2013. 57-62.
Taylor, Charles T. et al. “Upregulating the positive affect system in anxiety and Depression: Outcomes of a positive activity intervention”. Depression and Anxiety. 34(3). 2017. 267-280.
DiJulio, Bianca et al. “Loneliness and Social Isolation in the United States, the United Kingdom, and Japan: An International Survey.” Kaiser Family Foundation. 2018.